Jared! Get You’re Fat Ass in Here

“Yes Sir,”

“How much are we paying you now to hawk our sandwiches?”

“I’m not certain sir, I’m not allowed to say publicly but since I’ve been your spokesperson your sales have jumped over two billion dollars a year.”

“I appreciate what you’ve done for the company but now there is a problem, that nice guy fat ass nerd sales pitch is beginning to back fire and it’s all your fault!”

“My fault sir? I don’t understand,”

“Your too nice people are forgetting what cold heartless bastards corporations are, we have reports of our employees sharing coke in one of our restaurants in New Zealand.”

“Sir, how is drug use in New Zealand my fault?”

“Not cocaine you dumb ass Coca Cola an employee was sharing her Coca Cola with a friend and we tried to be nice about Jared, we did, but because of you and your nice guy image we had to fire her! We tried just suspending her but she filed a grievance with the union so we fired her and called in the cops. “She has been charged with stealing the drinks, valued at $4, and will appear in court later this month we must send a message to stop this rampent criminality. If you think your going to screw this worldwide corporation with almost six billion dollars in sales out of a coca cola think again!”

“What do you want me to do sir?”

“Well marketing has been working on some ideas for new ad campaigns to change your image and we want your input. In the first spot you punch on old lady for being a pain in the ass in line while you make her sandwhich, too hard?

“Yes sir too hard,”

Ok, we got a weight loss contest, it’s called the fuck with Jared go to prison and see how much weight you lose! What do you think?

“Still too hard sir.”

“Then do you have any ideas Jared it’s easy enough to shoot down some one elses so let’s hear yours.”

“Forget it sir,”

“What are you saying Jared ? forget what?”

“Forget the whole thing, give the woman her job back and pretend it never happened.”

“What! Oh my God you are a nerd! Don’t you know what that means! There is no telling how many tens of dollars we are being screwed out of now and you just want to turn the criminals loose on the street! Wait I’m sorry my bad, your talent not marketing your not suppose to understand these things. How about this slogan? Subway Eat Fresh And Get The Hell Out!

“I don’t think so sir.”

Subway worker sacked for sharing complimentary Coke
May 7, 2007 - 3:31PM
The Sydney Morning Hearld

A Subway restaurant in New Zealand has been accused of heavy-handed tactics after a woman was sacked and the police called in because she shared a complimentary soft drink with a friend.

Bill Clark, from the Autonomous Workers Union (AWU), said it was the most vicious action from a company he had ever dealt with.

He said Jackie Lang, aged in her 30s and who worked full time at the restaurant, was confronted by management two weeks following the incident.
Managers had found video footage that appeared to show Lang giving some of her cup of Coke to a friend.

Bill Clark from the AWU said Jackie admitted sharing her drink with a friend, who had come into the workplace upset.
"They are allowed endless amounts of soft drink if they work there. Her friend came in all upset and distressed, so Jackie took a break, poured a drink and sat down with her," he said.

According to reports the video footage shows Lang giving some of her drink to a friend before refilling it and leaving it on the table where her friend sat.
Following the meeting with management Lang was suspended, and after she filed a personal grievance claim the company went to police.
She has been charged with stealing the drinks, valued at $4, and will appear in court later this month.

"The escalation has been vicious. They (management) decided they were going to do something and at every turn they upped the ante," Clark said.
Franchisee with the Dunedin Subway Rob Nicol refused to say whether Lang was treated fairly.

"All I can say is that it is a matter between myself, my business partner, the employee and the police," he said.