THINGS BUSH COULD SAY

By Peter Fredson

January 29, 2007

Torture? What Torture? No Torture! Just forget it!

Someone outed a CIA agent? Gee, wonder who that could’ve been?

Karl Rove. Nice Guy. I hadda put him in charge of reconstruction of New Orleans...

Tom DeLay? Haven’t seen him around lately.

Condi Rice? Nice Shoes. Perky. Does anything I tell her to do.

Dick Cheney? Uncle Dick? Keeps secrets.

Laura? Knows when to shut up.

I have to kill them “over there” or else they’ll come to Crawford and steal my chickens.

Stay the Course? I figgered out it’s the only thing to do.

Sovereignty? Whenever I feel like it, not before.

Constitution? Piece of paper.

Secret jails? Careful, or you’ll find yourself in one.

There’s nothing wrong with being rich.

Anyone protests, handcuff em, take ‘em out back, and beat the crap outta them.

Photo-ops all fake? No, I just happened to have a sandwich with me and gave it to the little bastard.

Millennium Corporation? Makes a good turkey sandwich for the troops.

Ken DeLay? Yeah, I heard of him some years ago.

Martha Steward? I told ya I’d get anyone who used insider info.

Donald. Offered his resignation twice but I don’t let old friends down. Besides, he’d sing like a canary. But he’s got a good job now with some corporation.

Iraq Study Group? Buncha my dad’s buddies, sorta dumb.

Ted Kennedy? G—dmm S.O.B.

Kerry? Kicked his butt with Swiftboaters and fake reporters.

Terri Schiavo. Poor kid. Just needed a good drinka water.

Getting over 3,000 dead soldiers. Can’t they learn when to duck?

80,000 dead Iraqis? Tough luck.

It was all Clinton’s fault.

Nice idea of alert color scheme. Let’s people know when to poop in pants or go shopping.

New Orleans? Yeah, I remember now.

Terrerists? They hate everything.

Scooter Libby? What ever happened to him?

Reading other people’s mail helps me fight traitors.

When will it be over? Whenever I decide it’s over, okay?

Me Arrogant? Why you filthy little stinking bastard….