I Think I’ve Got L.S.D.

I think I’ve got L.S.D. In fact I’m almost sure of it. Last night while I was flipping through the channels and stopped quite by accident on the NBC nightly news. Brian Williams was explaining, carefully, tactfully almost tip toeing in fact, “A certain class of anti depressants has in some rare cases caused young people to have increased thoughts of suicide. The F.D.A is strengthening their black box warning to include individuals up to the age of twenty four.” He was then joined by a correspondent to explain, “That a black box warning is the strongest warning that the F.D.A. can issue, but in this case however it was just a change in language because this phenomenon was in fact so rare.”

Lets recap! A drug which won’t be named causes people to do the opposite of what it’s prescribed for. It prompts people in very very rare cases to think of suicide, I hate it when people think of suicide. Thank God it doesn’t prompt them to actually commit suicide just thinking about it is serious enough! Serious enough to warrant the strongest warning the F.D.A. offers the dreaded black box warning. Maybe you’ve seen one before? It comes with your prescription folded up like origami in the box. Unfolded it’s as long as your arm printed on both sides in a font that would make a Philadelphia lawyer smile.

It begins with chemical names and technical definitions, verbal barbed wire put in place to discourage the ambitious among us. Paragraph after paragraph of phrases such as, in some cases and clinical studies have shown. That’s what makes me think I’ve got L.S.D. that’s a symptom of it, a low threshold for bullshit. Well the clinical definition is, rising levels of hostility caused by an over dependence on the truth. In some rare cases it can cause some individuals to have thoughts of homicide. Symptoms include frustration cynicism and critical thinking, that’s me man I’ve got it!

So cynical in fact that when I hear the Democrats like Hillary and Obama I can hardly distinguish them from the Republicans. All I hear is, in some rare cases and clinical trials have shown and I’m so cynical I don’t believe in anything anymore. I feel like Montag in Fahrenheit 451 and if I could find the book people at the end of the train tracks I’d be putting on my Addias made with third world child labor and taking off with a copy of “Roughing It” under my arm. You see I’ve got it all right! Now why should I care about third world child labor?

But even more, the cynicism permeates all aspects of my life. When Microsoft comes out with a new improved version of windows my only thought is more money to do the same things as the old version and that my old programs probably won’t work on it. I fail to see improvement when my Internet provider says they are improving my service. I question the wisdom of cell phones that also show TV programs having witnessed the decline in driving proficiency that just the phone it self has caused. I can only imagine the carnage caused by driving talking on the phone while watching The Sopranos will cause. See what I mean? Critical thinking! And God help me I can stop! Hillary says the war was a mistake but we must continue! Understand now? The rising frustration level of living in an alternate reality.

An alternate reality where oil companies are green coal companies are green and car companies are green. But the same car companies sue over higher mileage standards and crush electric car prototypes then bemoan their fate when they are outsold by imports with higher mileage and new technology. Don’t get too close I might be contagious! Wind power is unsightly solar power is impractical the study funded by the oil companies said so. I guess their answer is, since we can’t think of anything else we’ll just have to stick with oil.

But with my illness my mind rambles in lucid thoughts that the airplane and the automobile were also impractical when first invented. But there I go again like a gerbil on a treadmill and I can’t get off. I try to find work but when you don’t live in the corporate reality the commute becomes somewhat difficult. Here I am disabled by L.S.D and yet I can get no help L.S.D. is a syndrome it has not as yet been classified as a disease. Perhaps some scientist will get a government grant to study the illness and come up with a cure although I would be satisfied with a plaque guaranteeing me good parking spaces.

For in my cynicism I hold out little hope in drug companies or in government research after all if I can’t understand them how can they understand me? L.S.D. or the Living Sorely Disillusioned is a reality-based syndrome it is like living in Green Acres and everyone can understand the pig but you. You can treat the symptoms with drugs or alcohol but eventually you will sober up or come down. The pharmaceutical companies will certainly find remedies but they are all short lived the quest is to find a cure to allow us to be stupid enough to be happy in the corporate reality to quiet the nagging questions without surgery. For there is a surgical cure but it is not without risk a risk I won’t take, if successful the lobotomy will leave me mindless and emotionless. But any mistake or slip of the scalpel would leave me mindless emotionless and Republican.