Shattered future Fiancées are Iraq’s forgotten survivors

By Katya Cengel kcengel@courier-journal.com

More than 1,000 men and women from the U.S. military, the majority of them Army, have been killed since the war in Iraq began in March 2003. The wives and husbands, or parents, of the fallen are usually offered flags, medals and counseling.

Fiancées often aren’t even notified.

Sometimes the Army doesn’t even know they exist. Unless a soldier has made a point of listing a fiancée on an emergency data card, this loved one is officially anonymous.

No one knows how many of these "forgotten survivors" exist. No list keeps track of them; no one follows up on how they are doing.

"One of the problems is when soldiers deploy they often don’t update them (their emergency data cards)," said Shari Lawrence, deputy public affairs officer with the Army Human Resources Command. "And if that person is not listed, we don’t know that person exists."

But unless the soldier has designated his fiancée, or her fiancé, to take care of the disposition of physical and material remains - something that rarely happens, said Lawrence - the betrothed receives no special attention from the Army brass. No flag at the soldier’s funeral, no offer of an Army casualty assistance officer to help cope with the loss.

Fiancées of fallen soldiers must deal on their own with perhaps the greatest grief of their lives. If they are lucky, an Army chaplain will offer his or her services, even though this gesture doesn’t fall under official duties. Sometimes an extra flag will be set aside. But those cases are rare.

"Unfortunately, it is a matter of legal standing, and they just don’t have any," said Lawrence. "That is pretty much across the board with all DOD (Department of Defense)."

http://www.courier-journal.com/features/2004/10/17/forgotten.html