Thanks to the legalized corruption sanctioned by the United States Supreme Court, the ability of foreign governments to influence the outcome of elections, the venal demagogues who seek to deny adequate health care to millions of Americans, the abject cluelessness of voters who complain about these demagogues, yet consistently elect them, and the buffoons who currently occupy the White House, I thought it was time for America to have a new national anthem to accurately reflect the sordid state of its so-called “democracy.” As a bonus, a new anthem would replace the current one written by a proponent of slavery to glorify war. So I decided to write one. Since it is an anthem, I wrote and copyrighted it as a song. But to spare the ears of readers from my somewhat dubious singing, I will provide them with just the lyrics. Therefore, I present America’s new national anthem: I’M AN IDIOT AND I VOTE.
VERSE ONE: All the folks in Wisconsin, they were so sick of trying, So they just elect politicians that the Koch brothers are buying, And they don’t give a damn how many of them are lying, And that’s why America now has Paul Ryan.
CHORUS: I’m an idiot and I vote. I’m an idiot and I vote. Don’t care what the people need. Just pander to my greed. I’m an idiot and I vote.
VERSE TWO: Well the folks in Indiana were once sitting on the fence, Until the phony Christians added their two cents. So they sacrificed their reason, and lost their commonsense, And that’s why America now has Michael Pence.
CHORUS: I’m an idiot and I vote. I’m an idiot and I vote. There is no us, only me. So pander to my bigotry. I’m an idiot and I vote.
VERSE THREE: Obama made some white folks feel like they were in a slump. That their once smooth road of privilege had grown another bump. So they searched for a savior in the garbage dump, And that’s why America now has Donald Trump.
CHORUS: I’m an idiot and I vote. I’m an idiot and I vote. Don’t care about the nation’s fate. Please just pander to my hate. I’m an idiot and I vote.
VERSE FOUR: Still we keep on trying not to feel dejected About the reprobates the idiots have selected. We dream that in a few years they’ll all be rejected. But chances are instead they’ll all be reelected.
CHORUS: I’m an idiot and I vote. I’m an idiot and I vote. Don’t care how many have to die, As long as I am getting by.
I’m an idiot . . . I’m an idiot . . . I’m an idiot . . . And I vote.
David R. Hoffman (Copyright 2017, All Rights Reserved)